Quite a different post today, just something I wanted to introduce into my blog as I initially set out to talk about the everyday life of the twenty-something woman and really all I’ve done is talk about clothes… and although that is a BIG part, there’s a lot more to us, right?
So, life as a (late) twenty-something woman. Not really the easiest time, I’ve heard that once you hit 30 you are overcome with this sense of being and empowerment… at 29 I mostly feel anxious and sleepy, so if that’s the case then bring on the big 30!!!
There is still a lot I haven’t achieved that the younger me definitely would have thought I’d have achieved by now. At 18 I thought being this age I would feel so much different, so much more grown up and adult-like and climbing the ladder in a high powered career* (pah!) but this is not the case at all. I couldn’t feel more inadequate and unprepared for adult-hood if I tried and being nearly 30, this can be quite frightening.
Yes, in some ways I am an adult… I moved out of my family home a few years ago and have been paying bills and doing food shops and appearing to adult for some time but I’m still a girl who gets picked up from the train station when I visit home (having still not got round to passing my driving test), still a girl that my dad slips £20 to here and there, still a girl that finds it hard to voice my feelings… I’m basically still a girl.
This year, like many others has brought some highs and lows. I have had news that will change my life as I know it, thankfully, it isn’t bad news (but nobody really likes change do they?)… Basically, my boyfriend has been offered a fantastic opportunity to move to San Francisco with work… WOW! So, amazing right? But it has caused a lot of emotional stress in our relationship, that luckily we have both overcome/continually overcoming. Theo is due to move in August and as much as we have buried our heads in the sand, it is still creeping up on us causing me endless anxiety… boohoo, remember the rollerblades?**
I want to be the person that truly embraces change and believes it is a good thing but unfortunately as much as I HATE to admit it I am a creature of habit and this news has forced me to come away from that… I mean having to go from living with your boyfriend for 3 years to looking for a flat share seems like a massive step back in life, especially with the pressure we put on ourselves to be hitting the goals society has laid out. But do you know what, F*%K that sh*t (censoring for all the Mum’s out there) we are our own women and we choose how to live our lives. One of my friends (of the same age) is just getting ready to say I do and the other (also of the same age) is currently planning to go travelling for a few years. We are all different and even if we share the same age we do not share the same path, we all fear being left behind but we are the only ones that are putting ourselves in that situation.
Some years ago, I was going through a bit of a difficult time and I remember being told that it is OK to not be OK, it is OK to have to rely on people for help and really we are the lucky ones who have that option. I can be quite hard on myself and I think when you reach a certain age and maybe haven’t met the criteria that society has laid out for what a late twenties woman should be/should have achieved by now, it is easy to be hard on yourself. I’m not married, I don’t have kids, I don’t own my own home or even have a driving license… and with everything that is going on in my life at the moment, these things are only going to be delayed further, which gets me thinking, “If not now, when?” But you know what? It’s easy to get down on yourself and feel like shit (we secretly love doing that to ourselves, right?), the hard part is actually giving yourself some credit, we’re doing OK!
With the voices in our ear it can be hard to separate what you really want from what you think you want, for example, I find myself day dreaming about having kids, when in reality I am the person that sits scowling on the train when a kids kicking off, rolling my eyes and saying under my breath “fucking shut up!'” I know what you’re thinking… Mother earth right? But why is it that I am worrying about not having kids when really I don’t even know if I want them? These are the questions we truly need to ask ourselves… is this something we really want or are we just conforming???
I mean I’d be lying if I said part of me didn’t feel envious of people taking the next step and getting closer to true adulthood. I fear that I haven’t got the time to achieve everything I want to and constantly think “If only I was 5 years younger”, you don’t worry about the big things when you’re that age but alas you cannot remain young and care free forever and I have never been one to do things in a timely manner (everything’s at a sloths rate with me, like seriously), I even started walking waaaayyy later than everyone else, apparently I used to sit on my bum and shuffle round demanding food from anyone who had it… not much has changed really.
I guess all we can take from this is that no two people are the same, everyone has different priorities and will achieve things at different times in their lives, it’s just finding the right thing for you and not compromising.
I’m really counting on turning 30 to be the kick up the arse I need… here’s hoping.
PS. Let me know what you think of this post as it is something I am wanting to introduce to my blog so would love any feedback!
*My sister always said she envisaged me in a lime green business suit, getting out of a lime green VW Beetle… that’s the dream right there!
**Shame on you if you didn’t recognise the Friends quote.